i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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