the new term for farting is butt boxing.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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