great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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