I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
