i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
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It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
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jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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