Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
