I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
NoShamevember. You game?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
