watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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