Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
