hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dignity is for republicans.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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