its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
