I heard we made out
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
