Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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