bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
