They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
