I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
