I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she told me i tasted like america
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
