its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Your dad touched me again.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
