every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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