Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
