As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
