watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
