Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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