Define "chronic" masturbator.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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