It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
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I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
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Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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