why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
