So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
