please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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