Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
