for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
