help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
