I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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