i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
