no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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