I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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