are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
