Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
