No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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