All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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