Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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