Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
