On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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