she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
