smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
