Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
