A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
they need to just BURY HIM!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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