Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
