so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
