Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
