can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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