I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
