You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we made out on top of his cat.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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