"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize