This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
