Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
