Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
