bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
