Umm I'm too high to move.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
