i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
