Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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