Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
