If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
