My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
