Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize