My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
