Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
