I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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