Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
