There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i may or may not be watching the land before time
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
