I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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