my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
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traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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