david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
