So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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