What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
