I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
