I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
