new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
