Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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