I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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