See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
did i walk over a car last night?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
