His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
