They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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