Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
