People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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