i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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