Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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